To the guy who may someday fall in love with me

to the guy who may someday fall in love with me
im sorry im such a mess
i would like to think that eventually i'll have it all together
but im so over lying to myself
i know that im this undoable puzzle
there are so many pieces to me
im a puzzle but not that easy 50 piece puzzle
that comes in a box with a picture on the front
no im the puzzle that came in a box that didnt have a picture of the final product
even worse
there have been more than plenty who've
attempted to put my pieces together
along the journey from one lover to the next 
ive lost some pieces
others have been stolen
and several have been ripped and torn
so once again
im sorry im such a mess
at this point in my life ive decided that its okay
not to have all the pieces
maybe its better this way
but i just want you to know that loving me 
will be draining and dreadful
i know this i also know
that im not really sure if im capable of truly being in love
so to the guy who may one day fall in love with me
im sorry im such a mess
im sorry that my
first kiss was on a dare in seventh grade
im sorry that my 
first time was in the back seat of a pickup truck
at fifteen with a guy i barely knew
im sorry that since then ive 
kissed more guys than i can even remember
and ive slept with more guys than id like to say
im sorry im damaged
im sorry i drink to feel good
i drink to feel confident
i drink to feel
im sorry thar i hide things from you
because i dont know how to trust
youll have to tell me over and over and over and over
that you love me and will never leave me 
but youll also have to prove your love every single day
even when i cant love myself which  is most days
im sorry that ill tell you im happy 
but behind my smile and under my laugh theres pain
im sorry that i wont appreciate all you do
ill take you for granted and then blame you
for all my personal inconsistencies
ill blame you for the small and big
illl even blame you when nothing is wrong
im sorry for all this and so much more
but the one thing im most sorry for
is that you fell in love with me
so to the guy who may one day fall in love with me 
dont just dont
i cant take another break
ive lost all the pieces of myself that i can handle
so please dont come into my life
for a brief moment and give me your facade of happiness
to only leave with yet another piece of me.

-krista mccuistion

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