Bitch.

I am twenty
the first time a boy calls me a bitch.
And my first reaction is to apologize
But I quickly realize
That the one who should apologize is you
You are the boy who called me a bitch
simply because I would not
spread my legs for you.
Now I will admit that I've
imagined how you would feel inside of me
and those are some pretty damn good
thoughts
which quickly turn to
thoughts of dread and regret
I'll also admit that
I want you
I honestly and desperately
want you
and this terrifies me.
I know that all you want is
sex
I know your reputation
How you treat girls like
objects to satisfy
your pleasure
Yet I still want you
and you know that
I've told you that I want you.
But you don't seem to understand
why I can't let myself
have you.
I'm a mess
I'm emotional and unstable
I don't know how to trust
Too many of my nights are filled with tears
I often mistake lust for love
I'm insecure
I seek attention from guys
and make them believe that
I want them as much as they want me
I know that I'm a tease.
It gives me a sense of control
in a world that is uncontrollable.
Again, I'm a mess
I'm emotional and unstable.
I mean, look at me
Read these words I've written
I want a boy who refers to me as a bitch.
How messed up does a girl have to be
to want a boy like that?
I mean, come on!
You fucking texted,
"Let's get married"
the first time we ever texted!
I guess I want you
because you're pretty damn
messed up too.
Now, I don't expect an apology
I guess I am a bitch sometimes
but that's the only way I know
how to protect myself.
I know I'm a tease
but it gives me moments
when I'm proud of my body
and just for a little bit
I don't feel insecure
Like I said,
I'm a mess
I'm emotional and unstable
I mean, Look at me
Read these words I've written
and try to tell me otherwise
But so are you...
You BITCH!

-Krista McCuistion