this feeling fucking sucks
ive been depressed before
and i never thought i could feel worse
i was to the point of drinking every day
sleeping with multiple guys
and never caring what others thought of me
but more importantly not even caring about what i truly thought of myself
i could not even look at myself in the mirror
i hated the person i let myself become
and i felt like utter shit
but this feeling...
this gut wrenching sadness that overcomes me
that makes it nearly impossible to breathe
this poison i feel
that has put thoughts in my head
that i have never had before
(maybe itd be easier if you just ended it, what would happen if you just swerved a little on the insterstae going 85mph? what if you just started drinking again to drown out the feeling?)
this feeling fucking sucks
and there are no words that could capture
or fully explain what it truly feels likes
i lost my sister
my best friend
the one person on this planet that never judged me
the one person who stood by me no matter what
she was not perfect by any means
but she was my person
she was the one person i told everything to
and for her to be taken from me so early
is the absolute worst
i wish i could put it into words how i truly feel
but everything i write just doesnt fully capture it
ill be okay and happy
and then suddenly i remember youre gone
and everything changes
my throat closes up
my chest becomes heavy
its hard to breathe
my whole body shakes
and sometimes i have panic attacks
the feeling of missing you is so intense
and by far the hardest part of my life.
i sometimes wish you didnt pass away
and was still here with me
but then i feel guilty for wishing that
because i know you were in so much pain in those last few months
its selfish of me to wish you were here again and in constant pain
i just miss you so damn much misty
i will always love you sis
-krista.
and i never thought i could feel worse
i was to the point of drinking every day
sleeping with multiple guys
and never caring what others thought of me
but more importantly not even caring about what i truly thought of myself
i could not even look at myself in the mirror
i hated the person i let myself become
and i felt like utter shit
but this feeling...
this gut wrenching sadness that overcomes me
that makes it nearly impossible to breathe
this poison i feel
that has put thoughts in my head
that i have never had before
(maybe itd be easier if you just ended it, what would happen if you just swerved a little on the insterstae going 85mph? what if you just started drinking again to drown out the feeling?)
this feeling fucking sucks
and there are no words that could capture
or fully explain what it truly feels likes
i lost my sister
my best friend
the one person on this planet that never judged me
the one person who stood by me no matter what
she was not perfect by any means
but she was my person
she was the one person i told everything to
and for her to be taken from me so early
is the absolute worst
i wish i could put it into words how i truly feel
but everything i write just doesnt fully capture it
ill be okay and happy
and then suddenly i remember youre gone
and everything changes
my throat closes up
my chest becomes heavy
its hard to breathe
my whole body shakes
and sometimes i have panic attacks
the feeling of missing you is so intense
and by far the hardest part of my life.
i sometimes wish you didnt pass away
and was still here with me
but then i feel guilty for wishing that
because i know you were in so much pain in those last few months
its selfish of me to wish you were here again and in constant pain
i just miss you so damn much misty
i will always love you sis
-krista.
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